New Horizons Counseling Poulsbo Washington

New Horizons Counseling Poulsbo Washington.

New Horizons Counseling Poulsbo Washington

New Horizons Counseling Poulsbo Washington.

Discovering Who You Are

Every person is born with some sort of gift, an inclination or instinct that can become a full-blown mastery.  Bruce Anderson [FROM THE HEART]

Who are you?  Some of the reasons we do not reach our full potential is that we do not know who we are.  Sometimes we allow other people or circumstances to define us.

When my children were growing up, I would often say to them, “Remember who you are”.  Usually they would retort back “Oh Dad, I am . . .” then they would state their name.  My concern was not that they would forget their name, but that they would not remember that they stood for something.  I wanted them to remember their heritage.

What do you stand for?  Many of the traditional values that have kept people and families together have been lost to the “hurry up” pace of our society.  It seems at times that we have slipped from the moorings that have made us great.  Yet the seeds of greatness are planted in each of us.   We just need to nurture them.  TJ Hoisington in his book [If You THINK You CAN!] States, “We all have great potential and untold wealth within. . . . We are born to win, yet soon we are conditioned to lose.”

So, who are you?  You are more than just a name and a number.  You are and always have been a unique individual wrapped in a package of Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual elements.  Take a couple of minutes to reflect on this question.  Ask yourself; “Who am I?”  This is very important.  All of your beliefs are affected by who you believe you are.  It does not matter who others think you are or even who you believe others think you are.  What is important is who you believe you are.  Be very honest.  It does not matter if you agree or disagree with what others say, what is important is that you know who you are.  Take time to reflect and write your answer below.

 

 

 

Now answer the following questions:

What beliefs do you have about yourself that limit you from reaching your potential?

How might the messages you received as a child have created these beliefs?

How might the messages people you interact with today reinforce these beliefs?

How does your own self-talk continue to reinforce these limitations?

What can you do to turn these limitations into strengths?

Write a simile or metaphor that describes you.

 

 

“We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

 Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.”

T. S. Elliot, “Four Quarters”

“Your Gift is the talent which you feel the deepest connection to, most compelled to learn about, and eager to give.”  Your gift is from your heart.

“Talents are things you have an innate capacity for at birth and may or may not chose to engage with, develop, and give.  Your talent is an expression of your mind.

 “Skills are things you have learned how to do and may or may not enjoy or feel motivated to do.”  You exercise your skills through your body and are developed in response to a need.

You connect to each of these through your Spirit, which according to Steven Covey in his book THE EIGHTH HABIT collectively becomes your voice.  Your voice is the expression of who you are.  When you integrate your gift, talents and skills, you move forward in a way that benefits the most people for the longest time.

When I was doing an internship to work with chemically dependent people, I met Barbara Day-Miller who is the founder and owner of Agape Unlimited.  Barbara and her late husband founded the agency on faith and a shoestring.  I will share more about Barbara and her story later in this book, but her passion to help people who are addicted is the driving force behind an agency that has helped thousands of people change their lives as they have overcome the challenges of addiction.  Her motto is “Love makes a difference”.  When she began in the late 1980s the thinking at the time was that alcoholics needed to be confronted harshly in order to stop drinking.  Many others in the helping professions at that time resisted her style and actually worked against her.  However, she was able to attract others who while differing in style were supportive of her mission and have been loyal employees.  One such person is Janice Foucher who  has passionately worked to keep the agency financially solvent.  While they have nearly opposite styles and personality, they have managed to work for a common purpose because of their passion for helping people.  We will discuss more about valuing differences in chapter 9.  Barbara and her staff were able to realize their dreams and passion because they believe that people can and do change.  They recognize that hard work and a willingness to stick your neck out in spite of resistance will produce results.

So, how can you find out who you are?  Go back again to the exercise earlier in this chapter.  No matter what problems you have faced are you willing to believe in yourself.  Be open to the voice inside you that tells you that you are a worthwhile person.  You are born with a gift that you have a passion and need to share.  You brought with you from the heavens a light that grows brighter as you use and share it. This time take more than just a few minutes take time to ponder the questions and be open to the light that continues to come from the source of all truth and light. Get in touch with your earthly heritage as well as your spiritual heritage.  I will bring forward the questions in a different way.

Who are you?

What did you learn about yourself from your parents and other family members when you were growing up?

What did you learn about yourself from your teachers and others in school?

What are you learning from your friends, co-workers and others you interact with as an adult?

Do you still have the same beliefs about yourself as you did as a child?

What adversity have you faced and how have you met your challenges?

 

Remember, we are all a work in progress.  Be patient with yourself and with others.  You have a choice about what you believe about yourself, about others and about your circumstances.  You can choose your response to any situation and as you choose wisely the space between the situation and response increases. 

  All of your beliefs are affected by who you believe you are.  If your beliefs are off track, your thinking will also be off course.  We act on what we think and believe and our outcomes are a result of our actions.  It really does not matter who others think you are or even who you believe others think you are.  It is important to learn from those who have mastered adversity and life’s challenges.  Accept honest feedback, but do not buy into the philosophy that you not of worth.  Answer the remaining questions and then relax and enjoy the company of those you care about.   What beliefs are keeping you from reaching your potential?

How can you change your self-talk affirm your worth?

What can you do to overcome negative messages and be all you can be?

 

 

Okay!  Great job.  Do not worry if you do not have a clear picture of who you are yet.  If you want  you can revisit this chapter later.  Take time now to relax and enjoy yourself.  If you did the work in this chapter you deserve it.  If not, we’ll try again later.  The next chapter helps you write a vision and mission for yourself and your work.  Now that you know who you are you can see where you want to go and what you can do to get there.

Embracing Change From The Inside Out

Before I can change the world; I need to change myself. Before I can change myself; I need to change my desires and my thoughts. I need to work harder in myself than anything else.
The first step is to build trust. To build trust; I need to be trustworthy. This requires that I have character and competency. Character comes from moral discipline—doing the right things for the right reasons. Competency comes from developing our talents and skills. Talents are those things we have a natural ability to develop and do. Skills come from practicing until we get good at it regardless of our natural ability. Having developed character and competency we can lead by example.
The next step is build the relationship. Relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. This means respecting personally and professionally. If we are going to have either a personal or professional relationship we must trust and respect each other and ourselves. Often people try to do business with someone they have not established a relationship with.  Professional relationships are also based on service—willing to give before you get.
The next step is to provide the service. Learn to network. The key word is working. You do not need to do it all yourself. Be like the honey bee that goes from flower to flower and makes it possible for the flowers to produce. Be encouraging; be supportive; radiate enthusiasm and positive energy.
As a parent if I want my child to to behave I need to lead by example and love. Then I need to encourage, inspire my child to do the right thing because it is right not just because I said so.

Family Night

Why should communities support Family Night?

Social Resources Fall Short

Many communities have concerns about the well-being of children and families.  Sometimes there is consider social and economic loss due to what is considered problem behaviors such as Substance Abuse, Delinquency, Teen Pregnancy, School Dropout and Violence.  In the past in Kitsap County as well as other communities across the United States considerable effort and funding prevent these conditions.  Since funds are scarce, many programs go wanting and children and youth get caught up in a system that is ill-equipped to handle their needs.  As such sometimes these problems get worse in spite or our best efforts.  Perhaps, while programs and movements are necessary and important they are not the complete answer.  As we gain understanding and begin to discern our community needs and the changes needed, we need to focus on strengthening the basic unit of our society—The Family.

Healthy Families Build Healthy Communities

Research shows that where there is good family management and family members learn how to resolve conflict effectively that there are less instances of Substance Abuse, Delinquency, Teen Pregnancy, School Drop Out and Violence.  When parents model positive behaviors and are involved with their children, there are fewer instances of Substance Abuse, Delinquency, and Violence.  Even in communities where there are high risk factors present that where children are given opportunities to develop their talents and learn skills and receive appropriate positive recognition in their families, schools and communities that they are able to bond and where families, schools, communities, and their peer groups develop healthy beliefs and clear standards the result is healthy behaviors.  One model that organizations and groups in Kitsap County as well as other communities is developmental assets.  The developmental assets model is a promising approach and has been a positive force in Kitsap County to bring agencies and schools together to create healthy youth and build community.  As this movement advances into its next phase, it is important to acknowledge the role of the family in providing assets for children.  This movement has done a great job in reaching schools, social service agencies and to some extent businesses.  Some assets where the family plays the primary role are Family Support, Positive Family Communication, Parent Involvement in Schools, Service To Others, Safety, Family Boundaries, High Expectations, Homework, and Reading For Pleasure.  The remaining three groups of assets, Positive Values, Social Competencies and Positive Identity are best learned at home with reinforcement in the schools, workplaces, neighborhoods, faith groups and community.

A strong conviction that our role in society is to create an environment where families can flourish and children and parents have time together to develop their gift, talents, assets and skills will reduce problem behaviors and its costly effects.  The family’s role is to raise healthy responsible children.  Society’s role is to support their efforts.

We are proposing that communities

1.     Dedicate one evening a week be declared as Family Night.  During this time parents and children be together share values, address concerns, practice positive communication, learn to solve problems and resolve conflict peacefully, have fun and other bonding activities

2.     That families have at least one meal together each day where family members share their concerns, interests and values

3.     That families celebrate milestones together such as birthdays, anniversaries, achievements, and other times as applicable

4.     That families have regular time together to work on projects, give service, go on vacation, and other special times.

5.     That schools, churches, workplaces, community agencies and other groups support families in these efforts by not scheduling meetings, activities and other events on Monday Evening and at mealtime.

What can we do to support these efforts?

Schools: We recognize that your schedule is generally made up a year in advance.  We encourage you as you plan for the future that meetings and events scheduled for Monday evening where possible be scheduled at another time.  Where this is not feasible, keep the meeting as brief as possible so parents can go home to their children.

Churches: Encourage members of your congregation to hold Family Night.  Schedule your meetings, activities and projects at other times.   Encourage you members to attend church as a family.  Reach out and help families with special needs.

Workplaces: Promote Family Night.  Adapt family friendly policies in your workplace.  As your workload permits allow parents to be home with their children on Family Night.  As workload and safety permits, have a “bring your child to work day”.

Community Agencies: Have policies that support strengthening families.  Provide community norms that values families.  Collaborate in reaching out to parents to provide skills in strengthening their own family.

Government Agencies: Support laws that strengthen families.  Where individuals violate laws that endanger their children prioritize funding to correct the problem.  Avoid policies that break down the family

Media and Entertainment Industry: Support programming that honors and values family.  Avoid programming (including advertising) that is inappropriate for children to witness.

Parents: Provide a safe nurturing environment.  Lead out in having time together.  If you have behaviors that put your family at risk get help and correct it.

Dreams and Adversity

We are not always aware of what are dreams are. Then, by some miracle, they start to make themselves known to us. We have a choice with dreams: we can welcome them into our lives or shut them down. Our lives may be less complicated if we do not have big dreams hanging over our heads, but our life then is also more barren and sad. Protect your dreams and let them breathe them in the light of day.” Our dreams are those things we would like to do, but not necessarily have taken action toward doing them. The moment we take action our dreams become a goal. Dreams help us to focus on the possibilities, and goals help us to make these dreams reality. Dream big and then set goals so that these dreams become reality. A goal is a promise that we make to ourselves.
“Emotional or physical discomfort is not something we anticipate with a lot of zeal, but discomfort has an essential purpose in our lives. Discomfort forces us to look at ourselves and see what we need to change. Don’t hide from discomfort. Listen to what it is telling you. It will inspire you and guide you to the action you need to take.”
We often make wrong choices because of peer influences and then we try to avoid the consequences of these choices by trying to hide from discomfort. When we experience emotions such as fear, guilt, or sadness, we are out of our comfort zones. Because we are not comfortable, we often avoid the message that these feelings are sending us. As such we miss the opportunity to change. Adversity can be our friend when we listen to the messages that come from our uncomfortable feelings.

Change the world in 45 days

“DAG HAMMARSSKJOLD PAST Secretary-General of the United Nations, once made a profound, far-reaching statement, ‘It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.’” (“Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, Page 201) Stephen Covey

While we look for ways that our service can reach a larger number of people, working with one can have more effect. This is especially true as we pass on the principle of pay it forward. There is always the question, would you rather work for $1000.00 a day for 30 days, or would you rather start with a penny a day and have it doubled every day. If I make a difference in the lives of 1000 people every day, in 30 days I have made a difference in the lives of 30,000 people. If I make a difference in one life today, and tomorrow we each go out and make a difference in another person’s life and then we all four continue on and so forth for 30 days, we have made a difference in over 1 million lives. In 45 days, everyone in the world would have a difference made in their lives.